Are you one of those people who find it difficult to refuse other people's requests? If you always fulfill every offer and request for help from others to please them to the exclusion of your own condition, chances are you are a people pleaser.

What is a People-Pleaser?

A people-pleaser is a personality trait in which a person feels a strong desire to please others, even at the expense of themselves. A people pleaser will prioritize the pleasure and happiness of others over their own.

Being pleaser is not a medical diagnosis or a distinctive personality trait. The term people pleaser is an informal term that people use to describe behavior where a person tends to agree to a task or request from others to the exclusion of themselves.

This people pleasing attitude is different from good traits such as generosity or altruism. People pleasers are usually practiced because people find it hard to say no and tend to agree to things they don't want or are unable to do to please others.

Read more: Bucin Mungkin Disebabkan Oleh Gangguan Kepribadian

Signs You're a People-Pleaser

People pleasing is often difficult to distinguish from doing good in general. But in some conditions, sometimes the kindness of people pleasers is often taken advantage of by others, because they know that people-pleasers always accept their requests. Some signs that people are pleasing include:

Hard to resist 

People-pleasers usually find it difficult to refuse others' requests and say "no." They tend to agree to others' requests because agreeing is considered a safe option, even though they may not have the time, energy, or ability to help others at the time.

Eventually, because they always put others before themselves, there will come a time when they feel frustrated at having to do things for others. They can also feel angry at others for taking advantage of you and bad about themselves for not being able to give others the benefit of the doubt.

Do not dare to dissent

In the teachings of manners, we are taught to respect other people's opinions and conversations. For people with a people pleaser personality, they tend to constantly agree with others because they want to gain sympathy or admiration from others.

They may be happy to help others at first, but as they keep agreeing to others' requests, when they put themselves aside, even if they don't agree with the opinion or request, they find it difficult to refuse others' requests.

People-pleasers are usually reluctant to express their opinions for fear of being perceived as rejecting them and thus losing sympathy from others. They can also feel guilty about saying no and fear that their refusal will make them seen as selfish or mean by others.

Apologizing for mistakes that were not made

People pleasers often feel they are responsible for the emotional state of others. If someone is feeling bad, you may blame yourself or fear that the other person may assume that you are the cause. Sometimes this is demonstrated by apologizing for mistakes that were not made.

Needs validation from others

People pleasers only feel confident when they succeed in making others happy or getting others' validation. Conversely, when they make others sad, then their confidence will fall. They dare not voice opposing opinions or express their disagreement with something.

This causes people pleasers to do extra work, commit extra to a plan or responsibility, in order to gain praise from others, even if their needs become unmet.

Read more: Trauma Masa Kanak-Kanak yang Bisa Membentuk Pribadi Mudah Marah

Why is Someone a People-Pleaser?

The causes of a person being a people-pleaser can vary, but in general, some of the causes of people pleasers include:

• Lack of self-confidence

People who lack self-confidence do not value their own wants and needs. They need external validation, for example, from others, to feel confident or that they are valuable, so they feel the need to do things for others to be accepted.

• Avoiding disputes

In some cases, people become people-pleasers because they want to avoid conflict. They worry that people won't like them if they don't do their best to make others happy.

• Past experiences

People who have experienced trauma such as abuse can try to always try to please others and be as friendly as possible to others so as not to trigger violent behavior from others. This response manifests as a way to survive.

In contrast to doing good sincerely, people pleasers tend to do good because they are afraid of being rejected or making people disappointed, even though in doing good they have to ignore their own condition. If you have questions about people-pleasers, you should consult a doctor or utilize the consultation feature on the Ai Care application.

Looking for more information and tips regarding health conditions, first aid, and home remedies? Click here!